Well, I watched a Jenna Marbles video called “Junk Food Confessions” and in between my giggling and “Oh my God, I totally do that!” I started thinking about what my inner fat girl forces me to do. Haha. For your entertainment I am going to post that video right here. Just for you, because I am so nice. Yeah.
I am definitely like that. We talked (ok, I talked…you all read) about my lack of self control the other day. And when my self control decides to wither away and die… I make all kinds of poor decisions. It’s not just “yeah, I guess I’ll eat my fifth cookie” it is wayyy more in depth than that.
No. My lack of self control makes me do some really ridiculous things.
At Subway… do I really need bacon on my Philly Cheesesteak Sandwhich? Nope… can’t really taste it… but I know it’s there. Will my stomach actually be able to hold that extra burger patty and large fries? Nope, but let’s upgrade anyways. Yup, potatoes make every meal better…. you know what makes potatoes better? Butter. Lots and lots of butter. Do my brownies really need chocolate chips in the batter? Nope. Add all the chocolate!
I get into this train of thought that… hey my self control already failed me, let’s just kill it and bury it and forget. Yeah.
I’m having some baked chicken for dinner… cool, a good decision for dinner. But you know what? That box of Velveeta Mac and Cheese looks absolutely divine. You know what would make that mac and cheese even better? Crumbled bacon (for texture…that’s the ONLY reason why…yeah right)…while we’re at it, let’s add more shredded cheese on top. Because my mac and cheese clearly isn’t cheesy enough.
Here is my favorite one. “I’m sooo full. My stomach is bursting. But it’s sooo good, I can’t stop!” I do that a lot with biscuits and gravy… also with pancakes. Well… also with cake.
I’m sighing heavily right now, just in case you are curious. I know it’s ridiculous, but I am powerless to stop it.
I’m not being dramatic. I am seriously powerless to stop it. It’s almost as though my mind is screaming at me to stop, but suddenly my brain isn’t connected to the rest of my body. My hands continue to shovel food in my mouth, my hands still drop half a pound of shredded cheese into my chili.
Yeah. That is why I have such a hard time losing weight. Haha.
I’m in the process of getting my self control under wraps. Way easier said than done. I’ve tried testing myself with small things. Kind of forcing myself to stop. I’ve had to mutter “Be good. Don’t over do it. You don’t need that much. You don’t need this again.” under my breath. It’s a hard thing to fix.
But I know that if I don’t fix it, I’m not doing myself any favors. Even if one day I find myself stepping on the scale and it says 145… I can easily visualize myself gaining weight back. Even if it isn’t a lot. Or I will spend the rest of my life jumping from 145 to 165 and back again.
It’s not that far off of a thought. I’ve been doing that for the last year or so. I’ve been bouncing between 185 and 200 constantly. And I blame my self control. If I had self control I would be consistently losing weight. I would be exercising regularly. I would be eating right consistently. Not yo-yoing. Fact of my life…
I honestly considered taking a pause from my weight loss path to focus on self control, but I’m worried if I stop that I won’t continue. The excuses will rear their ugly heads. Not only that but I need to develop my self control while I’m losing weight. (Well, attempting). Otherwise I’m not really teaching myself anything.
So…it’s going to be an interesting path. We’ll see what happens. Finger’s crossed I can get through this.
Really quick, I’ve got to do my weigh in day.
Last Weigh-In: 183.7
This Weigh-In: 183.5
Total Lost: .2 lbs
Am I going to count that? Probably not. But hey, at least it’s not a gain.