Caffeine is here to stay

I feel like crap. I’m grouchy, irritable, and have a constant headache. Why? Because I’m starting to make real progress trying to decrease caffeine.

Remember back in August when I declared I was going to detox from caffeine?

Yeah, it sucks.

I tried and failed several times from August through October. At the smallest hint of a headache, I was sipping down more coffee trying to avoid THE headache. Granted, I’m generally always having a headache. Excedrin Tension is never too far away (I have a high stress job, ya’ll… no judgement). But caffeine headaches are a much bigger deal.

Well, within the last two weeks, I’ve started again. Making progress, but still it sucks. It’s recommended to cut back on coffee 1/4 every three days. And considering how much freaking coffee I drink. Both my coffee “mug” and my travel mug are 20 ounces. I’m only decreasing 5 ounces EVERY THREE DAYS. It’ll take me 5 months to be completely off caffeine. Five freaking months.

I highly doubt that I’ll completely stop drinking coffee. I’m hoping I can just get to the point where I don’t feel like I need coffee to make it through the day. I’ll still enjoy a nice steaming much of decaf gag or have a blended latte once in a while.


My glorious 20oz Harry Potter mug

Which, let me tell you. A blended latte (or frappachino for you Starbucks people out there) CANNOT be made with Decaf… because the coffee shop around here uses HOT freaking espresso. Which makes it soupy and gross. Imagine an iced latte but with a scoop of powder in it. ICK. The ice is literally melted before they blend. Not. Ok. You hear me, baristas? For the sake of blended decaf drinks everywhere… PLEASE HAVE SOME COLD DECAF ESPRESSO ON HAND LIKE YOU DO FULL CAFF <--- see what I mean? I'm grouchy. Though, I was a barista at that same coffee shop long ago, and I have a trick for that if you want it... pour your hot decaf in the blender, add your cold milk with A FEW ice cubes, let it sit for a minute while you add your syrups/powder so it can at least get room temp, THEN add your ice. It’ll help, I promise. Takes all of 45 seconds longer, and your decaf drinkers will thank you

Anyways. I’ve managed to cut down almost a full coffee mug in the last two weeks, and have only had a mild headache everyday. Is that a win?


See! I’ve even been tracking it!

For all of you caffeine-aholics out there hoping to decrease the amount you need to survive… I wish you well. I wish you luck. And for what it’s worth, you’re allowed to dream about coffee. You’re not allowed to imagine your friends as giant mugs of steaming goodness.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to log in how much caffeine I’ve had, and take a nice dose of caffeine free headache medicine.

Enjoy!

Lifesum

I recently started using this Lifesum app for tracking. Like I said in an earlier post, this is the time of year that I need something like that. Badly. I was using My Fitness Pal for a while, but honestly, I can’t stand the app. It’s boring and clinical, and I just can’t get excited about it. Sorry MFP.

So I downloaded Lifesum. There are a ton of great features on it. Plus, it’s bright happy colors, which is something I get REALLY excited about!

When you first go into it, it has a little wheel on top that shows how much you’ve eaten, burned, and what you have left. My intake is around 1800. When I punched in my age/weight/height and so one, I wasn’t expecting something so high. A lot of the time apps like this will give me 1400 calories. MFP did, I had manually change it to 1800. The fact that this one already put me at the 1800 I’ve been doing for a year now, makes me feel pretty optimistic.

One of my favorite features is that it gives you a recommended amount you should be eating for each meal. It gives you a calories range to hit for each meal. I’m a big planner. When I’m actually doing it, I like to break down my meals so I know what to hit (on average) for each meal. This kind of helps me stay on track with that.

BUT, if you’ve gone under or you’ve done exercise it’ll go ahead and remind you that you can eat more. That you should eat more to reach that goal for whatever meal it was. The app bases it on how much you’d like to lose a week. Mine is set for around 1.3 pounds a week. It’ll change my intakes based on that. Rather than “oh hey, you just lost 3 pounds this week KUDOS” it tries to keep you on track to only losing a certain amount of weight.

Now, of course, I’m not actually sure if that’s what it’s doing…but it seemed to make sense to me. So that is simply my assumption.

Anyways, originally for breakfast I plugged something in, and it’s remind me that “hey, that better not be all you’re eating!” So I finished plugging in the rest of my breakfast, and it then reminded me I was only 40-something under. With a nice little “GREAT JOB!” on it. But then I exercised, and it quickly went to bitch me out. Like “HEY, you’re now 196 under. EAT SOMETHING”

So, after eating and exercising, it’ll remind me that I still need to eat more if I want to stay on track to the 1.3 pounds per week. Which is pretty nifty. There are trackers for water intake as well. You can even take a little test in there to see which “diet” would suit your desires/needs. That one was a little iffy for me. Originally it recommended a 5:2 (eat 5 days:fast 2) which I’m 100% NOT for. So I just cancelled out the “diet plan.”

But there are some things I wish I could change on it. Some of the calorie amounts are off. A LOT.

For example…Hellman’s Lite Mayo – jar says 35 per TBS… Lifesum says 95 per TBS
BUT if you use the barcode scanner, they’re dead on for the ones I’ve tried.

It’d take more planning for me throughout the day (especially if I’m bringing my lunch to work with me).

I also like to track my measurements, this app allows me to track my waist. But anything above that, I need to pay for the premium. Which are on monthly amounts. Realistically, 6.99 a month isn’t bad. But I’m not going to pay for something I can do for free (you feel me?). So I actually have a separate app for that.

All-in-all it’s been working for me. I’ve only been using it since last month, so I’m sure I’ll find more things I like/dislike. But this is pretty much my first impressions of the app. We’ll see how that goes, I might do an update post one I get the hang of it more.

We’ll see.

Disclaimer: These thoughts are all my own. I am not being paid to give my opinion. Hell, Lifesum didn’t even ask… I just did it. So there.

Happy Halloween! Weigh-in Wednesday

So. Yesterday was Halloween. For those of you who know me, know that Halloween is my favorite holiday in the whole world. I would happily skip my birthday for another Halloween. Hell, I would skip Christmas in favor of Halloween.

Something about the costumes, candy, Trick or Treating, the spooky feelings…really gets me in my “Happy Mode”

But, it’s over. Welcome, November 1st.

Happy White Rabbits Day!

With November come my second favorite holiday. Thanksgiving!

I’m a self proclaimed Chubby lady who loves food.

That couldn’t be more obvious if I tried.

Although, this is also one of my least favorite times of the year. It’s when everyone brings food to everything.

And it’s not the light summer food. It’s the hearty-bake-sugar-fatty-carboload food.

And there are numerous opportunities for that.

Work functions. Family functions. It’s cold so I want to eat chili (always and forever) functions.

This time of year makes me really nervous. Because I know my self control is nowhere near where it needs to be. This is usually the time of year where I do the most of my yo-yoing. If I had made a graph of my weight loss in the past years, you’d see a definite upwards trend this time of year.

I always start off this time of year with a clear mind. Knowing that I need to be careful and watch what I’m doing. It’s always a test of restraint.

There’s something about snowfall from November to April (welcome to Michigan!) that makes hearty meals, pajamas, and bad food choices come to light. Which of course always means, that on April fools day 2018, I’ll be wondering if my scale is being a jerk and teasing me with a +6 gain.

But I have a plan, like I always do this time of year. The tricky part is actually just making sure I follow the plan. Even when I’m staring down pies, cakes, and the best winter mac and cheese you’ve ever seen in your life.

But until then, here’s a weigh in for you all.

Last weigh-in: 205.7
This weigh-in: 205.3
Lost: .4
Total lost from highest: 65.9

There we go. I’m still a little ways from WONDERLAND! (Do people even say that anymore?)

Fat Girls Guide to Losing Weight

Fat girl’s guide to losing weight.

Step One: Step on the scale and see 223.6 when just last week you weighed 224.2

Step Two: Marvel at the AMAZING .7 pound weight loss

Step Three: Get excited with giddiness because that’s almost a pound and you did practically nothing differently

Step Four: Realize that if you can lose a pound (we’re rounding up, not down! Suck it math teacher from middle school!) without doing anything, imagine how much you could lose actually trying

Step Five: Whip out a notebook and do the math (no calculator? Thanks math teacher from middle school!) to see how much you need to lose to hit your goal weight before your 10 year high school reunion, birthday, summer body, bridesmaid day (sorry, bride, I’m gonna be rocking in my MOH dress)

Step Six: Cringe, because even though you’re riding high on the “lost weight bitches” train, even YOU know that losing 3 pounds a week is super unhealthy.

Step Seven: Mope and pout that you’ll still be fat come those super life changing events

Step Eight: Pull yourself out of mopetown and poutville and decide that a year is farrrr more manageable, I already did a pound in a week!. And “hey! I’m strong independant woman! I can still rock that purfect MOH dress at my halfway point.

Step Nine: MOTIVATION MODE ACTIVATED

Step Ten: Scour Pinterest, weight loss bloggers (who have, admittedly, been in maintaing mode for the last six months), and Instagram.

Step Eleven: Pin, save, subscribe, follow, and RT anything that is remotely motivational. (Bonus points if it’s Harry Potter/Dr. Who/Walking Dead related)

Step Twelve: Write out a FULL list of meal plans, calorie counting, water intake, exercise plans

Step Thirteen: Immediately grab your waterbottle, dump that 3 inches of water that has been sitting it in for a good two months, wash out that weird “old water smell” and fill that bitch up. Grab some cottage cheese and apple slices for snack. Google low impact at home cardio (let’s face it, I know myself well enough to NOT pay for a gym membership right now…annnd those extra 80 pounds are going KILL my knees!)

Step Fourteen: Spend the next week being the worlds most perfect, “I should get my own sitcom,” Instagram ready, blog writing, weight loss guru.

Step Fifteen: Brace yourself, step on the scale, hold your breath, count to three. LOOK DOWN. .3 loss?

Step Sixteen: Temper tantrum ensues. *clears throat* ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! I’VE BEEN AWESOME AND I LOST A MEASLY .3 POUNDS? mentally flips a table, rips off my $90 workout clothes and runs naked, screaming through the street

Step Seventeen: Take a deep breath, give yourself a pep talk in the mirror (“You is strong. You is beautiful, You is gonna smash the hell out of the damn scale!”) and scroll through your “Motivation!!! <3" board on pinterest. Hike up those leggings, and push through next week. Step Eighteen: Repeat until you’ve hit that magical -10 loss. Four months from now. Brag on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram…hell any social media platform ever created.

Step Nineteen: Weigh in day Month 5!!! Step on the scale, notice you’ve gained 2 pounds somehow? hellooo birthday cake

Step Nineteen: Repeat steps sixteen through eighteen until the end of time.

#truestory #amirite #thatinnermonologue

I wrote a book! A whole book. That I wrote!

When I’m not momming, adulting, working, blogging, Netflixing… I’m writing.

And after all the YEARS of writing, back tracking, trying to be one of those elusive “pantsers” who bust out a novel in the month of November. The sheer amount of sticky notes, index cards, notebooks, napkins, lost and found thumb drives, thousands of words written and deleted, cups of coffee, my questionable Google searches that always end up with explanations along the lines of “I promise I’m not a murderer, I’m writing a book” or “I swear I’m not pregnant, I’m naming a character.”

Through all of that.

I WROTE A BOOK.

Yes. I did title my first draft as “HOLY CRAP! MY FIRST DRAFT ON PAPER!”

I’m a writer!

I actually finished writing my first draft back in August. And since then, it’s been reading and re-reading THOUSANDS of words that I wrote.

And yes, I’ve been shamelessly posting all about it on Facebook. #noshame

Since that moment there have been many, many, many, mixed emotions.

“Crap. Utter crap.”
“Oooo, that’s good.”
“THIS WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!”
“Whyyyyyy”
“Please, Mom. Don’t ever read this.”
“This is the most magnificent piece of crap I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I go from feeling like all those years of writing Harry Potter Fan Fiction had made this my purpose in life. To wondering why in the hell I actually spent so long doing this.

I guess that’s what happens when you edit your own work.

Yes… lots of edits coming

But before the editing process, a.k.a the process of realizing you suck at grammer, typing, and speaking in general… there is the part where you print.

I’ve known I’ve had a crapton of words written. Believe me. When you hit 86,000 words or 20,000 words, it kind of smacks you in the face.

But when you actually print it out. It’s a whole different story. (Enjoy that pun)

I got paranoid thinking I hit print twice when my printer just kept pumping out page after page.
I took pictures like I’d just rescued a puppy from the animal shelter.
I stroked the pages.
I creepily stroked the pages some more.

But I’m allowed.

Because I wrote a book!