So, obviously, I’ve been MIA for the last three months. I’m not even going to say “whoopise” because it wasn’t like I just forgot or kept postponing things, I’d made a choice for the sake of my stress. If that makes any sense at all.
Something you should know about me is when I’m stressed past my limit, I have a tendency to shut down. Like pulling all my reserve energy into a few select things, because quite frankly that’s all I can handle at the moment.
I’d just over packed my schedule. Way too much was on my plate at one moment. I’d had two jobs, three at one point where I was transitioning to another. My main job was taking up a lot of my time and a huge part of my stress. Home life was going crazy between drama, lack of time, and so forth. There was just so much going on in my life I couldn’t keep up with.
I’m big on mental health. And I tell people all the time that I firmly believe in mental health days. You know, if you break your leg you aren’t going to be walking around on it the next day…you need time to let that heal. Mental health is the same thing.
Now realistically, I don’t have the ability to just drop everything for a few days and focus on destressing and decluttering my mind. But there were several things that I could drop to give myself the opportunity to breathe and think.
First to go were my other jobs. While I loved one of them and, honestly, hated the other, it was one of those moments of “is the extra money worth what all I’m missing out on?” In the grand scheme of things, they weren’t. To be 100% honest, there was a way I could go about that, and I didn’t. It was a panic fueled decision. And after the panic and guilt went away, I felt marginally better.
The second thing to go was the blog. Not permanently, of course. Between 70-80 hour work weeks I was finding less and less to blog about. Simply because I didn’t have any time to do anything except work, try and find time to spend time with my family, and still somehow eat and sleep in there too. I really didn’t want to be one of those people who threw out fluff pieces just to maintain a consistent blogging schedule, because I didn’t do anything other than work. And let’s face it, no one wants to come to a blog to read about someone’s job, which I can’t write about anyways.
So the blog went next. Which sucked. I love my little piece of the internet I’ve got over here. But I wasn’t going to force myself to write crap posts about absolutely nothing, when that time could be spent getting a handle on my brain. You know? It was honestly the harder of the two choices.
Thirdly, my physical health kind of went out the window. Which I guess makes sense. Mental health is connected to physical health, and if one is down the other is too. That’s not to say that I completely ignored it. But it was the same kind of choice.
I could force myself to count my calories, or I could just be happy that I managed to remember to actually eat something more than a quick lunch that day. I could ignore exercise for a few
weeks months, or I could use that extra 30-45 minutes for sleep or family time…which I desperately needed.
Because of that, I found myself sitting at 192 pounds. Normally, I would have been ecstatic about that. Not this time around. Because I knew that I wasn’t finding the time to eat enough to maintain the busier life I was leading. If someone has found the secret to making sure you have enough time to eat in a 20 hour day. Please, please, let me know!
So yeah, things back pedaled quite a bit. But I’m moving back towards feeling better. And yeah, three months, there hasn’t been a huge change in my stress levels. I’m still really stressed 99% of the time. But I’m managing it better. I can give more to my family, more to my job, and more to me.
So, I’m back as much as I can be. In the last three months I have cleaned up some things in my life, gotten more time out of it too. I can’t promise that I’ll be posting three times a week or whatever thing I set up. But I can try to continue to post about the more “worthy things” that I have found time to do.
If you’ve stuck with me through these last three months, thank you! If you hightailed it outta here, I can’t blame you!
Cheers to feeling better!