Like a Yo Yo – Weigh in Monday?

Let’s just get right down into the nitty gritty. I’ve lost weight. Like a yo-yo. (Please sing that to the tune of Madonna’s Like A Virgin, I am.) Back and forth. Whatever. To top it off, it’s been a long time since my last post way back in the beginning of February. That’s rough.

Worse yet, it’s been even longer since my last weigh in.

My first weigh in of the New Year landed on the 3rd of January. We’re in April.

Can you guess what happened?

Yo-yo weight loss/gain.

Which is why I’m posting this on a Monday, not a Wednesday. Jump right in with both feet before I have two whole days to chicken out and fall back into not posting.

Now, this whole yo-yo thing sucks because there was a solid time frame there that I hadn’t done the whole yo-yo thing.

I get into these modes of motivation where nothing can stop me. And generally those pop up when I’ve stepped on the scale and noticed that I’ve gained a few pounds (try 10?). So I’d go through and fix everything, change everything, lose a ton of weight and be proud and happy. Then hit a wall and gain it back.

I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. That little revolving door of weight loss.

So, here we go. A million weigh ins later.

Last weigh-in: 211.2
This weigh-in: 215.8
Gained: 4.6
Total lost from highest: 55.3

Gaining 4.6 pounds in 4 months might not seem like that big of deal. But the issue is that I kept gaining and losing. At one point I was ecstatic because I was sitting at 206. I was only 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. Then I stepped on the scale a few weeks later and saw I was at 218. And so on and so forth, and higher.

And that’s where I lost it.

Little bit will be turning 3 here in a few months. I’ve spent 3 years fighting/not fighting/fighting/not fighting the weight I gained. 3 years ago.

I got so close, and then blew it. Again

Awesome.

The other thing that hit me, April 6th put me at 6 months before my birthday. 6 months before I turn 29.

I’ve spent all of my 20s fighting my weight. Granted, I spent all of my teens worried about my weight. But I’d never thought in a million years that I would spent my ENTIRE twenties worried about my weight. I don’t want to be sitting at 35 like “Oh hey, 15 years later and I’ve FINALLY done it!” That might sound ridiculous, but I’m already so torn about being so close to thirty. I don’t want to be torn about being thirty and fat.

Make sense?

Anyways, I wish I could blame ignorance and say things like “I don’t know what happened? I have been doing so good!” or “It must be that I’m bloated, or [fill in the blanks]”

But I know why.

Laziness. Over eating. Poor eating habits. Practically nothing as far as water intake goes. Not pre-planning meals. Sedentary life style.

Sure, I can blame it on being winter (still). Something about (still) having snow in April makes me want to eat carbs and junkie stuff all day every day.

But that’s kind of a cop out.

Winter or not, there is no reason for me not to be doing more. Doing what I know I need to do.

And a good part of it is making excuses for myself.

Silver lining, I’ve actually lost those 4.6 pounds in the last 10 days. I’m pretty set in thinking that is probably just water weight, but hey. At least it’s something? EDIT So, I’ve realized that the 4.6 pounds was most definitely lost since my last weigh in. The 4.6 (which certainly wasn’t 4.6, more like 3.2) pounds was within that last time I weighed myself at home, not for a blog post. So for the sake of clarity, and my sanity…I’m making that edit. I’d gained 4.6 pounds since my last official blog weigh-in… my 6am coffee brain was confused with all the numbers.

Anyways, moving on…

Got that motivation bug again, and I’m not going to naively sit here and insist that this time will be different. That I’m going to keep on keeping on until the weight is off. If I’ve learned anything from this SIX year journey (gag) it’s that making promises adds some unneeded pressure. Amirite?

But I know I’m slacking in some things, I always know that I’m slacking in some things. But I’ve been trying incredibly hard to get back on track and stop the yo-yo cycle. I’ve been really trying some new things, and we’ll see if they work!

And for sake of getting off the Yo-yo routine…

Weeks of consecutive weight loss = ONE ZERO

And the countdown begins

It’s the last Friday of the year! The last weekend of the year! The last EVERYTHING of the year! The countdown begins to 2018!

Since New Years falls on a Monday this year, I’m not planning on posting. So here you are, an early snippet into my 2018.

Which of course, means that soon your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram feeds are going to be overloaded with New Years Resolutions!

Last year I all but ignored resolutions. I’m not real big on the whole New Years Resolution thing. Back in the day, it was always some HUGE and SUPER IMPORTANT thing I was going to stop doing. I don’t do well with taking orders from myself. If any and all plans I have made in the health department of my life are ANY indication.

But this year, I need things to be different. I seriously need to start taking orders from myself. If I don’t, what’s the point?

Anyways,

2017 was a crazy/intense year. Less crazy/intense than 2016. And let’s not even get started on 2015/14.

Rather than saying things like “I’m going to stop [fill in the blanks]” I’m going into 2018 with some more positive resolutions.

I’m going to be nicer to myself
I’d started with making a list of all the things I want to change about myself. I noticed two things right away. #1 the vast majority of them weren’t weight related. Huge surprise there! It was more along the lines of be happier, less stressed, more patient… so on and so forth. #2 A lot of them were things I should be doing, and have no idea why I don’t.

Take mental health days I know I’ve said this before, but I have a job that can cause a lot of stress. Plus I’m a very obsessive kind of person, and I can get wrapped up into work far too hard. I’m not talking about taking a month off or anything. But here and there, maybe taking a long weekend? Or when I need a second to decompress, actually communicating those needs rather than shoving it all down and pulling a classic “Nicole’s lost grip of reality!!!!” moment. Actually plan a week vacation and do it? That kind of stuff.

Have more “me” time
Do the things I don’t give myself time to do. Do my hair, my make up, my nails. Take a bubble bath? Maybe get my eyebrows waxed for the first time in well over a year. Go and actually see my friends rather than “hey, it was so good seeing you six months ago!” Read a book? Go see a movie? (The last movie I went and watched in a theater was Deadpool back in 2016). Things like that!

Slow down and smell the daisies (not a big rose fan)
I’m busy. Ridiculously busy. Between work, blogging, my book… I don’t have much time. Then silly ol’ me, decided to reapply to college… It’s a lot to juggle. Especially having two kids. I’m used to busy. I’ve always been busy. But just because I’m busy, doesn’t mean that I don’t have time to do things and enjoy things. Rather than having thoughts in the back of my mind (work, book, blogging) while I’m in the middle of those moments. Focus 100% on the good parts of my life, rather than always having something floating in the back of my mind that I “have to do.”

Those are the three big things right now. Of course, I have my weight related goals. But that isn’t so much a New Years Resolution kind of thing, those are things I would like to accomplish, of course. But I know that my mental health is just as important as physical health, more so in some aspects. And, let’s face it, mental health has a huge impact on physical health.

So it’s a win-win!

So, let’s raise our glasses to the New Year! To our resolutions!

I hope your 2018 is even better than your 2017!
I hope your New Years Resolutions stick!
I hope your holiday season was phenomenal!

Good luck to all of you who have resolutions!

Happy New Years!

I wrote a book! A whole book. That I wrote!

When I’m not momming, adulting, working, blogging, Netflixing… I’m writing.

And after all the YEARS of writing, back tracking, trying to be one of those elusive “pantsers” who bust out a novel in the month of November. The sheer amount of sticky notes, index cards, notebooks, napkins, lost and found thumb drives, thousands of words written and deleted, cups of coffee, my questionable Google searches that always end up with explanations along the lines of “I promise I’m not a murderer, I’m writing a book” or “I swear I’m not pregnant, I’m naming a character.”

Through all of that.

I WROTE A BOOK.

Yes. I did title my first draft as “HOLY CRAP! MY FIRST DRAFT ON PAPER!”

I’m a writer!

I actually finished writing my first draft back in August. And since then, it’s been reading and re-reading THOUSANDS of words that I wrote.

And yes, I’ve been shamelessly posting all about it on Facebook. #noshame

Since that moment there have been many, many, many, mixed emotions.

“Crap. Utter crap.”
“Oooo, that’s good.”
“THIS WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!”
“Whyyyyyy”
“Please, Mom. Don’t ever read this.”
“This is the most magnificent piece of crap I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I go from feeling like all those years of writing Harry Potter Fan Fiction had made this my purpose in life. To wondering why in the hell I actually spent so long doing this.

I guess that’s what happens when you edit your own work.

Yes… lots of edits coming

But before the editing process, a.k.a the process of realizing you suck at grammer, typing, and speaking in general… there is the part where you print.

I’ve known I’ve had a crapton of words written. Believe me. When you hit 86,000 words or 20,000 words, it kind of smacks you in the face.

But when you actually print it out. It’s a whole different story. (Enjoy that pun)

I got paranoid thinking I hit print twice when my printer just kept pumping out page after page.
I took pictures like I’d just rescued a puppy from the animal shelter.
I stroked the pages.
I creepily stroked the pages some more.

But I’m allowed.

Because I wrote a book!

Freaking Frustrating

This losing weight business is so freaking frustrating.

It’s one of the harder things to do in life.

And this is coming from someone who has carried a child…twice… for 9 months.
Someone who wrote a freaking novel
Someone who has MASTERED THE ART OF SUDUKO IN SCHEDULING FORM (ok, that last one is a stretch)

But for real.

The idea of losing weight for me has always been that it’s pretty easy. Realistically, the idea of it is.

Eat less.
Drink more water.
Move more.

Yay! Weight loss!

Eat Less
Yes, it’s easy to eat less. But for fucks sake, it’s fall. Which means PUMPKIN EVERYTHING. I’ll totally admit I’m one of those girls who turn into a pumpkin come September. Because ALL THINGS PUMPKIN. In the last month I have had more than my fair share of pumpkin lattes, pumpkin rolls, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin cupcakes. And we’re barely one month in. Ohmylanta.

The job I have makes it all too easy to have “lunch meetings” with my supervisor and our team. But for cheese and rice, that means “Let’s get out of here, I’m hangry” is a term that’s said a lot. Or $5 on pizza for our weekly meetings? Or hitting up Wendy’s or A&W or Burger King? And of course… Chubby Nicole is all over that. Though, the last time I had actually just eaten the lunch I packed (spinach wrap with turkey, spinach, mushroom, and deliciousness) before she showed up growling “Fooooood, nowwwww.” So I just sat like a creeper while they ate.

Disclaimer part A: No, my boss didn’t actually sound like that (or did she???).
Disclaimer part B: Had she stopped by 10 minutes earlier, that poor little wrap would have been long since forgotten as I plowed through my Baconator. Just sayin

Drink More Water
I love water. Generally drinking more water isn’t a hard thing for me to do. Especially considering the fact that I have about four different water bottles I use for this. But if you remember one of my last posts I have a hugeslight issue with caffeine. As in coffee. As in I drink mostly coffee. Which, back when I wrote that post I was dealing with a pretty nasty headache due to a lack of coffee…so I decided I was going to swear off coffee. Want to know how that is coming along?

About like that. *She says as she fills her BRAND NEW Maruader’s Map 20oz glow-in-the-freaking-dark coffee mug to the brim with fresh coffee*

So, yes. I am drinking more water…but not less coffee. Which means I’m peeing all.the.time. But, hey. I’m at least drinking water right?

And last but not least…

Move More
How bout nah.
How am I supposed to exercise when I’m chasing two kids around, editing a novel, working 45-50 hours a week, and there is a VERY IMPORTANT SERIES I MUST CATCH UP ON NETFLIX?
A.k.a I’ve been using every excuse in the book to just not. Bad Nicole. Bad Nicole. I get it. Now, I’m still doing my bedtime yoga, and feeling pretty accomplished because my hips are not nearly as tight (after four freaking months). But other than that, my activity level is firmly set in the “sedentary” category.
Yep.

Yep.

So, anyways.

I can only imagine what my weigh-in is going to bring on Wednesday. Considering my last weight in was, ohhhh, seven weeks ago.

Can I convince myself that any weight gain is worth it? You know, because it’s PUMPKIN SPICE?????

No?

Ok then. I guess I should probably stop saying “weight loss is freaking frustrating” when in reality it’s “weight loss is freaking frustrating because I wanna eat everything, drink coffee, and do lots of sitting.”

Accurate.

My body – Wednesday Weigh-in

I’ve always been hyper-critical of my body. That goes without saying. I can point out my flaws immediately. I have lovehandles that will probably always be present, I have cellulite and stretchmarks (though, I don’t hate on the stretchmarks much these days), I have back fat and armpit fat, so on and so forth.

I know plenty of women who do this, regardless of size. Hell, I’m willing to bet every woman (and man) does this. And even though I’m losing weight because I’m not happy with my health and my body, I have recently (as in within this last week) started to remind myself of the things that I love about my body-despite my flaws.

I’ve decided if I don’t remind myself of these things, I can easily see myself getting even more critical about my body. Because I’ve been there..and that leaves me with what? Tons of negativity.

Whereas if I remind myself of the things I love, I think it’ll be easier for me to get to that point where there are more things that I love than I don’t like. Opposed to getting to what I think is my “ideal” weight, and still picking out every little thing about myself I don’t like.

So… here we go… I’ll start off small, three things about my body that I love.

My legs – They may be big, but they’re strong and I have pretty killer calves
My broad shoulders – I may not be able to wear a halter top, but I can rock a strapless dress/shirt like nobody’s business!
My height – hide and seek sucks, but I’ll always stand out in a crowd

Sure, the list might not be long…but it’s a start.

Anyways, since it’s Wednesday, I’ll cut to the chase.

My third weigh-in since being back!

Last weigh in: 210.0
This weigh in: 208.3
Lost lost: 1.7 pounds
Total lost from highest: 61.7 pounds

Wooohooo!

Another loss, and I’ll very happily take it!

So, until next time,