My Pink Coat

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person in the world who saved all of their pre-pregnancy clothes. I’ve got a box in the back of my closet with all that stuff that started getting too tight, stuff that I knew wasn’t going to fit, but for some reason I kept telling myself “I’ll get to wear it all six months after the baby is born.”

Well, nearly two and a half years later, and those boxes are (yes, plural) still chilling in the closet. Along with other “omigosh it’s on sale, and it’ll fit someday clothes” that were complete impulse buys. I swear I’ll probably never have to buy another article of clothing until I’m a size 10. Ha.


That, my friends, is box 1 of 3

But among all that stuff was my favorite pink coat. I specifically didn’t buy a winter coat last winter because I was convinced I would be able to fit it. By the time winter ended, I had gotten used to wearing a hoodie because “I have a coat, I just can’t button it.”

So not only am I optimistic about this. But I’m also stubborn, and too optimistic.

Good news, Ya’ll!

I fit the coat! It even buttons, last time I tried it on (winter after the baby was born) I couldn’t even pull my arms through it! Now, since it’d been three years since I’d worn it, I don’t really remember if the shoulders were always that tight. Or if the top button never closed.

But let me tell you, it all came crashing to reality when I popped a button.

Wait.

Popped TWO buttons.

I could ignore it when the first button popped off because it was already insanely loose. That was no surprise. But when my bottom button flew across the room when I sat down, was definitely a surprise.

So yeah, I’m stubborn. Instead of admitting defeat, I actually sewed the buttons back on… about an inch further away… just so it was looser.

Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

But, as I said. I’m stubborn. I’ve waited three freaking years to wear that coat. And I’m done with freezing in the winter. I’m just hoping that I don’t have a “fat guy in a little coat” moment and rip it in half. Don’t judge, that’s a legitimate worry.

On the plus size, I’ll be able to gauge how much I’m slowly losing. And of course when I get back to my “aw yis, my coat fits” weight again, I can just move the buttons back. Because I’m classy like that. And I’m cheap like that. And I freaking love my pink coat.

It kind of made me want to go through the boxes of clothes and see what was close to fitting. We’ll see how that turns out.

(Which in case you’re interested, the pink jeans have something in common with the pink coat)

Enjoy!

Thanksgiving is over

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty freaking glad that Thanksgiving is over on the weight-loss side of things.

Don’t get me wrong, the 4 day weekend was awesome. Hanging out with my family, playing ULTIMATE Yahtzee, coloring, cooking, watching movies. All of that was absolutely perfect.

What wasn’t perfect, was the 10 pounds I’m almost positive I gained this last 2 weeks. Because, being frank, I ATE everything. And I most definitely did NOT exercise like I told myself I would.

Beginning of Novemeber was all about this carefully constructed plan to be more mindful of what I’m eating, not eat too much, make healthy choices… because this time of year is always the time of year that I tend to gain weight.

Because, Thanksgiving. And pies. And mashed potatoes. And all the other yummy hearty food that comes with the holidays (like chili!!!)

Let me tell you, that ship has sailed.

I haven’t stepped on the scale since November 1st, because some little part of me is all like “eh, it’s winter. I need my winter fat!”

Anyone else like excuses? I sure do.

But silver lining, I’ve at least learned something. Usually when I start going nuts this time I year I just say “screw it” or “it’ll all fall back off in the spring.” Which is generally why I don’t seem to lose any weight. I’ll lose a good 10 pounds, gain back 20 over the winter, then bust my butt over the spring to lose that same 20 pounds again.

But I’m trying to break out of those habits. Time to stop the trend, and break the habit. I’m not too sure what happened last fall, but I certainly didn’t do any massive gaining that time around, in fact, I lost weight. Which is cool… apparently when I have losing weight on my mind, I self sabotage? Who knows.

I just know, I’m frustrated and irritated at myself. This shouldn’t be so hard. But, guess what??? It is, right now. And I’m pissy about it.

Tis the season to be pissy about all that extra fluff! (And I don’t mean the snow).

I exercised!

I exercised.

I have actually exercised every other day for the last two weeks.

And let me tell you something.

I’m sore. My legs hurt. My stomach hurts. My butt hurts. I’m just a bundle of hurt.

I’m notorious for not exercising. I have a whole slew of reasons excuses why I don’t exercise.

I’ll do it wrong. I’ll look ridiculous. It’ll hurt. I’ll hate it. I’ll get all sweaty.

And you know what? I was right. 100% right.

I’m pretty certain I did things wrong. I used the modifiers more than the actual moves. I forgot to breathe constantly. Judging by the shadows on the wall (and the horrified look on my 2 year old’s face) I did look absolutely ridiculous. I stopped so many times. What was supposed to be a 5-10 second rest between reps was actually a good 45 seconds of me trying to convince myself to do the next one.

It was quite quite literally a train wreck.

But I did it. I feel like I need a shirt that says “But did you die?”

I haven’t been consistent with exercise in YEARS. Sure, when I first started up again I would sporadically force myself to do some movement. A couple squats here, a few lunges there… 3 second planks. I know I’m not alone here.
Then I’d lose all motivation and stop doing it, stop talking about it…but I’d continue to pin the hell out of “beginners low impact cardio/core exercises.”

Doing this was the exact opposite of bingeing.

If you’re unfamiliar with that cycle… here it is.

Rationalize with yourself why it’s ok to go a little crazy. Go a little crazy (ahem…a lot crazy). Feel awesome while doing it. 20 minutes later have some very negative words for yourself.

Rinse repeat.

In this case it was

Convince yourself to do it. Procastronate while looking for the “perfect workout to do.” Force yourself to do it. Feel horrible while doing it. Curse everything and anything that is related to movement and muscles. 20 minutes later feel absolutely awesome…almost like a superhero.

Rinse repeat.

All in all, folks.

I still hate it. Regardless of how “superhero-y” it makes me feel. I still freaking hate it. I remember back in the past I used to do Pound, and C25k, and I had blast straps…and I would even do some sparring with Josh.

Those things I really enjoyed (except C25k… not a fan of running). Strange to say, but I did like them. I know at this point I just have to find things that I legitimately enjoy. Things I would look forward to doing on a regular basis, rather than finding reasons not to do it.

In all reality, I am not looking right now. I’m just trying to get my butt moving on the rare occasion I can break free with a solid half hour to get things done.

I can’t count dancing in the car or doing dishes as exercise forever. That’s kind of the cheater’s way out, right? Right? (This is the moment where I tell myself that any motion is good motion. And I get a clean house on top of it)

Overall, one day I might exercise and enjoy it. Today is not that day. Today is the day where I hit two solid weeks of regular exercising.

And I’ll take it.

Too expensive to start losing?

“Why is it so expensive to start losing weight?”
Ya’ll, I get it.

You get in that motivation to lose weight and all of a sudden it looks a little bit like this

New workout clothes – BOUGHT IT
Gym Membership – SOLD
Ultra precise down to the ¼ gram stainless steel guilded with gold food scale – MUST HAVE IT
Bathroom scale that also measures body fat percentage – GOT TO HAVE IT
Water bottle system with scheduled alarms for intake – MINE
Pills and capsules to lose an extra .2 pounds a week! – CHA CHING

And so on and so forth.

Then tack on spending a good $200 a month more on buying purely organic low calories fruits/veggies/packaged dinners and snacks.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all done that.

Because making the decision to lose some weight is always exciting! But we start figuring out all the things we think we need right now, and suddenly spending $500 a bucks to lose some weight isn’t realistic, or even feasible! It somehow always got to that point where I would get so discouraged because it’s expensive to even start losing weight.

That little dollar sign is (at least for me) one of the biggest deterrents to losing weight there is.

And many weight loss companies bank on that! (see what I did there?)

Rather, why not get yourself your priority things to start losing weight. And go cheap. At this point it doesn’t matter. Eventually it will make sense to upgrade some things or add new things to your weightloss tool box.

But for now, I haven’t spent that much at all over the last year. And I’ve been managing to lose weight still.

Don’t believe me? Here’s some transparency for you.

My priorities – drinking more water, properly measuring my food, keeping track of my stats, and logging my food.

Water bottle – $14.99
Food Scale – $9.99
Measuring Cups – $1.00
Bathroom Scale – 18.99
Measuring Tape – $0.89
Notebook for journaling – $0.99

Grand total $46.85

That’s all I’ve spent in the last year of losing weight. In the last year. That averages to about 4 bucks a month. I paid for that in my first month simply by not going out to eat a few times.

I didn’t need a $40 food scale. I just need a scale that weighs food. I’m not looking to be super precise at this moment. Same with measuring cups. I’m looking to estimate and get a better visual of my food. Not obsess about the 3 calorie difference in 10 grams of food.

I didn’t need a scale that tells you your weight, tracks your weight, tells you your body fat percentage, your height, favorite book, and what color underwear you’re wearing. I just need a scale that shows my weight. And I don’t need some $10 measuring tape. It’s a piece of plastic with numbers on it

So on and so forth.

Now, I’m not talking about food here. That’s an entirely different conversation. These are just those initial impulse buys that people (myself included) fall into when there is that little burst of motivation to lose weight.

When I started losing weight I actually made a list of things. You all should know by now that I love me some lists. A lot. To figure out just how much I was going to spend to start off on this crazy ride I call a journey. And I went step by step to figure it out, overthinking at it’s finest. And managed to start losing weight off of 46 bucks.

I’m ok with that.

Now, am I saying that I’ll never buy another thing? Of course not. Eventually I might get that gym membership, or a food scale that is more precise. I might actually go and buy myself some actual workout clothes that aren’t faded baggy t-shirts and ratty shorts. But for now, it was easier for me to start losing weight when I wasn’t concerned about how much it was going to cost me to get the ball rolling.

Down the road, it’d make sense to buy a new fitness watch. But for now, I can live without.

My BIG weight loss secret! Weigh-in Wednesday

Here we go!

Last weigh in: 208.3
This weigh in: 207.6
Lost: .7 pounds
Total lost from highest: 62.4 pounds

Every time I lose weight I get at least a couple “how did you do that?” comment from people.

Made me think about that this time around. I’ve been posting for a month. I’ve had four weigh ins and I’ve lost 4.7 pounds!

Yay!

A full month of recorded losses with no gains.

ARE YOU READY FOR MY SUPER SECRET WEIGHT LOSS SECRET! THE BIG WAY I’VE BEEN LOSING WEIGHT? THE SUPER DUPER SECRET THAT ALL PERSONAL TRAINERS HATE ME???

Ok, super dramatic, but still. It’s not a huge secret?

So these are the things I’ve been doing

  • Eating around 1800 calories per day (+/- 100) and actually logging them
  • Drinking plenty of water
  • Trying to have a good balance of “good vs bad” calories (ex: 300 calories of avocado is better than 300 calories of candy bar) about a 80/20 balance (Yes, I’m still eating candy bars AND losing weight)
  • And getting moving to burn some calories in any way I can

There you have it. That’s it. That’s all I’m doing differently. And I’ve lost 4.7 pounds in this last couple weeks.

It sounds like a cop out…and too good to be true. It sounds like one of those weird ad things that starts off with “DO THIS AN LOSE 10 POUNDS IN A WEEK.”

I don’t have a fast acting plan. And I’m not changing a bazillion things, I’m just being more mindful.

And believe me, it’s not like it’s any easier. It’s not like I woke up and was like BOOM lets do this.

I still have to consider if it’s really worth eating that full King Size DARK CHOCOLATE Twix, or if I’m totally fine with a normal size one. Or if I’m really actually hungry enough for another two tacos. Or if I’m hungry at all, or am I bored? Do I really need that extra cup 20oz mug of coffee, or should I start getting my water in?

I still drive home from work exhausted, but turn on the radio and dance it out in the car just to get some movement in. Or set my timer for 10 minutes of my uber beginners Yoga because 10 minutes is all my poor hips can handle. Or “I fucking hate squats” and pump out my measly 10 before I feel like my legs are going to give out.

I’m still making changes.

I’m going from eating 2500+ calories a day down to 1800. I’m forcing myself to move, when my body is perfectly ok sitting around for HOURS on end watching Netflix. I’m reminding myself to drink water constantly.

It’s still hard.
It’s just not as hard as it was.

I’m not following some “push yourself to the point of pain” exercise thing, I’m not eating 1400 calories and ONLY 1400 calories, I’m still eating crap and good stuff. So on and so forth. It’s just a balancing act.

And a balancing act that seems to be working right now!!!

So cheers to another 0.7 pounds lost!