Self Control part two (Weigh-in Day)

Well, I watched a Jenna Marbles video called “Junk Food Confessions” and in between my giggling and “Oh my God, I totally do that!” I started thinking about what my inner fat girl forces me to do. Haha. For your entertainment I am going to post that video right here. Just for you, because I am so nice. Yeah.

I am definitely like that. We talked (ok, I talked…you all read) about my lack of self control the other day. And when my self control decides to wither away and die… I make all kinds of poor decisions. It’s not just “yeah, I guess I’ll eat my fifth cookie” it is wayyy more in depth than that.

No. My lack of self control makes me do some really ridiculous things.

At Subway… do I really need bacon on my Philly Cheesesteak Sandwhich? Nope… can’t really taste it… but I know it’s there. Will my stomach actually be able to hold that extra burger patty and large fries? Nope, but let’s upgrade anyways. Yup, potatoes make every meal better…. you know what makes potatoes better? Butter. Lots and lots of butter. Do my brownies really need chocolate chips in the batter? Nope. Add all the chocolate!

I get into this train of thought that… hey my self control already failed me, let’s just kill it and bury it and forget. Yeah.

I’m having some baked chicken for dinner… cool, a good decision for dinner. But you know what? That box of Velveeta Mac and Cheese looks absolutely divine. You know what would make that mac and cheese even better? Crumbled bacon (for texture…that’s the ONLY reason why…yeah right)…while we’re at it, let’s add more shredded cheese on top. Because my mac and cheese clearly isn’t cheesy enough.

Here is my favorite one. “I’m sooo full. My stomach is bursting. But it’s sooo good, I can’t stop!” I do that a lot with biscuits and gravy… also with pancakes. Well… also with cake.

I’m sighing heavily right now, just in case you are curious. I know it’s ridiculous, but I am powerless to stop it.

I’m not being dramatic. I am seriously powerless to stop it. It’s almost as though my mind is screaming at me to stop, but suddenly my brain isn’t connected to the rest of my body. My hands continue to shovel food in my mouth, my hands still drop half a pound of shredded cheese into my chili.

Yeah. That is why I have such a hard time losing weight. Haha.

I’m in the process of getting my self control under wraps. Way easier said than done. I’ve tried testing myself with small things. Kind of forcing myself to stop. I’ve had to mutter “Be good. Don’t over do it. You don’t need that much. You don’t need this again.” under my breath. It’s a hard thing to fix.

But I know that if I don’t fix it, I’m not doing myself any favors. Even if one day I find myself stepping on the scale and it says 145… I can easily visualize myself gaining weight back. Even if it isn’t a lot. Or I will spend the rest of my life jumping from 145 to 165 and back again.

It’s not that far off of a thought. I’ve been doing that for the last year or so. I’ve been bouncing between 185 and 200 constantly. And I blame my self control. If I had self control I would be consistently losing weight. I would be exercising regularly. I would be eating right consistently. Not yo-yoing. Fact of my life…

I honestly considered taking a pause from my weight loss path to focus on self control, but I’m worried if I stop that I won’t continue. The excuses will rear their ugly heads. Not only that but I need to develop my self control while I’m losing weight. (Well, attempting). Otherwise I’m not really teaching myself anything.

So…it’s going to be an interesting path. We’ll see what happens. Finger’s crossed I can get through this.

Really quick, I’ve got to do my weigh in day.

Last Weigh-In: 183.7
This Weigh-In: 183.5
Total Lost: .2 lbs

Am I going to count that? Probably not. But hey, at least it’s not a gain.

Stuck (Weigh-in Day)

Apparently I’m “sick.”

Lovely. I’m just kind of blah, thankfully I’m not full on ill. Kind of stuffy…wee bit of a sore throat. When it finally hits completely it’s going to be a doozy.

Well, my whole “I’m feeling blah about this week” feeling was spot on. I didn’t do awesome, and I didn’t do crappy either.

Last Weigh In: 185.5 lbs
This Weigh In: 185.4 lbs
Total Lost: .1 pounds

Haha, I don’t even consider that a loss. I’m just kind of like “eh, whatever.”

I’ve been hoovering around 185 for quite a while. But I’m kind of halfhearted about it all. Which is strange. I’ve been working out at least 3 times a week (go me) and I have been eating ok…not exceptionally well, just ok. I’m not sure if I need some kind of motivation thing or what… but I’m just kind of stuck, I suppose.

I think it’s my body being a d-bag. I have been eating between 1400-1600 calories a day and I’ve been burning about 300-350 when I work out…so thinking with common sense, I should have lost at least something… but noooo, of course not.

My body is on strike. It’s giving me a big “screw you!” Apparently it just doesn’t want to lose weight right now. In other, more appropriate terms…Plateau.

Haha, so much for optimism.

I am thinking I need to up the workouts. I’m not willing to lower the calories I’m eating… I was told 1400-1500 calories…and I don’t want to go beneath that. So the only thing I can do at this point is exercise more.

Perhaps, just changing up my workout will help.

Hell, I don’t know. This is the part of losing weight that frustrates me… not knowing what’s going on. There are a million different variables that could have happened.

So, I’m just going to sit here in my confusion and (hopefully) not over think it.

Have you ever had that moment where you seem stuck at a certain number? What did you do to get out of it?

Movie Time (Weigh-in Day)

Apparently this is the year for movies. I swear if I could get away with it I might live at the movie theater this year…haha. Although, I don’t think all that theater buttery popcorn is the best idea.

Let’s see, here’s my list.

Beautiful Creatures, Escape From Planet Earth, Jack the Giant Slayer, The Croods, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Movie 43, Iron Man 3, Fast and Furious 6, Hangover 3, Grown Ups 2, Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters, Thor: The Dark Worlds, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Warm Bodies, Identity Theft. Oz: The Great and Powerful, 21 and Over, A Good Day to Die Hard, Parker

Phew. 19 movies. Usually there is only a handful that I want to watch… but oh man 2013 is going to be filled with movies.

I love movies. Absolutely love them. I especially love them in the theater. Although, I am not fond of 3-D. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person on earth who doesn’t like 3-D. Haha. But I don’t know what it is all about, but I adore going to the movies. I think being a movie critic would be the perfect job for me. Sitting around and watching movies…scoring them (yes, I do that)… and getting paid to do it. That would be awesome.

But I wish that there were some healthy choices for movie theaters. But, unfortunately people don’t go to the movies to eat veggies with hummus. It’s all about the super buttery popcorn and overly priced boxed candy.

But aside from all the movies that are coming out…today is my weigh in day.

Last Weigh in: 185 lbs
This Weigh in: 185.3 lbs
Total Gained: .3 lbs

Well, that was unexpected. I honestly believed that my “not-a-cheat-day” day was going to have me pushing out a couple pounds, haha. But just .3, ah well. Like I said yesterday, I going to get going again (not that I actually stopped…haha). But it’s been 4 weeks since I have lost anything.

It’s kind of bittersweet. I want to lose weight (dur, that’s what this blog is all about) but at the same time I’m thrilled that if I wasn’t going to lose weight I managed to not gain anything either. Gives me hope for when I start maintaining. But I don’t want to maintain now…so it still kind of sucks.

Ah well. Kind of wasted a month. Haha. I know that much. But I need to start losing again.

But again, I can’t be too upset about it. But hey, C’est La Vie. Well, at least Such is my life. Haha.

Onto next week, I suppose.

Are there any movies out there you want to see?

Happy Valentines Day/Lent (Weigh-in Day)

Hmmm…. So I am really hating this whole computer-less lifestyle right now. All the posts that I thought I had been posting since the 9th haven’t posted…simply because (apparently) my Kindle hates the schedule thing. I went to go check and see what was going on…and all 4 posts still show “scheduled.” Grrr.

So poo on my kindle.

Not only does not having a kindle mess up my blogging…but I cant do my Pound classes either. My kindle wont support the videos. Josh’s game system wont allow my to even log in. And the computer that is good for nothing BUT videos (keyboard doesn’t work) lags several seconds. So I have this awesome workout trapped on the interwebs that I cant use regardless of the different kind of technology thingers in my house. I even woke up at 6:30am in hopes the lag would be ok. Was it? Of course not.

Since I started this post off to a rather crappy start…how about a huge and positive Happy Valentines Days! Ahhh the day for overpriced jewelery, boxes of chocolates with a 8:1 gross:tasty ratio, and generic/cliched cards. Hugs all around!

Soooo…. now that I am done complaining. Haha.

But Ash Wednesday was…um… Wednesday. So it took me until yesterday to decide what I am giving up for Lent. Most people have a good idea well before Ash Wednesday…but I figure the day of is good enough. So…I’m going to give up being lazy! Woot! Mainly in the sense of my workouts. I would have loved to give up workouts…but noooo. I was thinking in the sense of how sporatic my workouts have been. So I am going to make a point to workout.

Hence my waking up at 6:30am. So I am going to be a good little Lent-ee (Lenter?) And go for it. Working out at least three times a week.

It also stemmed from my weigh in yesterday.

Last Weigh-in: 185
This Weigh-in: 185
Total Lost: 0

Alas, another week that I haven’t lost anything. Its frustrating. Many people say…”at least you didn’t gain” which is good…but I really wanted to lose something. The only thing I could think of was that I wasn’t exercising that much. Enough to apparently maintain 185…not enough to lose. I don’t know for real…I’m not a dietitian…wild guess.

So it seemed fitting to exercise for Lent. For the next 40 days and 40 night (apparently that doesn’t include Sundays…as they are supposedly mini-Easters) I am going to exercise at least 3 times a week.

Of course I’m going to keep going after the 40 days…. no reason to drop back into laziness….right?

So wish me luck on my Lent thing!

What are you giving up for Lent?

Miss the fat days (Weigh-in day)

This past week has been a kind of whirlwind. In addition to my blog being a little screwy things have been crazy.

I have been working (dur) and on top of that we have been kind of a moving team. There were three birthdays (yesterday was my mom and big sis…Happy Birthday guys). Not that bad really…but then tack on the fact that I singlehandedly made my nice quiet car turn into a roaring monster…. stress is running a little higher than normal.

And that is all just the big things that were going on. Ha. Of course things could have been busier…but I’m just being a tad melodramatic.

But on the good side of things… I got my Ripstix along with my super cute Violet Love headband! Although I haven’t had a chance to use them. Darn. But I will. I am so excited!

But there was something I wanted to say.

Losing weight is hard! Being fat was so easy. Of course, back then I didn’t think that. But now that I have lost a considerable amount of weight I can actually think back and realize how easy (in comparison) my life was.

Who would have thought that I would be a little nostalgic for the “fat days?”

I miss those days of eating a ton of whatever I wanted. Where I didn’t have to choose between certain foods. There were nights I could eat a huge slice of cheesecake without a shred of guilt. Where I didn’t have to choose between a bacon cheeseburger or a salad depending on how much I ate earlier.

Those days that exercising wasn’t ever a thought…I never felt the need to exercise. So I didn’t. It was so nice.

These days its all counting calories, measuring out food, being careful with what I am eating, exercising, staying active…. there is ton to remember and even more to make sure I’m being “good”

Everything was so much easier.

The comparision is easy to make.

But I would take the “harder” life of counting and sweating and 185 over the “easier” constantly nudging couch potato I was. It is a nice epiphany. As much as those days were easy I wouldn’t go back.

No sir-ee. Not a chance. I have actually come to like the harder life… I like how the harder life makes me feel so much better than I use to. Yeah. Though I suppose the harder things usually have the best outcome. Right?

But really quick…yesterday was my weigh in day.

Last week: 185
This week: 185
Total lost: 0

Darn. Better next week.