2019 goals – 5k – again

Can you all believe it’s already closing in on the end of January? We’re three weeks into the new year already. If things keep progressing like they have been, it’ll be just like last year. I’ll be posting in March, hardly believing that “it’s been three months already.”

So before time completely gets away from me, I have a whole list of things that I want to try and accomplish this year! I’m sure a lot of those won’t stick, but it’s the positive mindset that I’ve been looking at.

A lot of those came along while I was thinking of my Non-Scale Victories, and a good majority of them were from my goals page. When I wrote those, I’d honestly thought that I would be able to get through them in 2018. Needless to say I didn’t.

I hadn’t put much thought into them shortly after I’d written that (I know, horrible of me) but with everything that had been going on those goals were the last thing on my mind.

Now, with my whole “balance” theme of the year, I really want to try and get through some of those goals!

Do I think I’ll be able to do a handstand, or the salmon ladder, or Mudderella? Hardly, I have the upper body strength of a guppy. But there are somethings on there that I should be able to accomplish. And the only thing that was holding me back was a weird combination of time restraints, procrastination, and/or pure laziness.

For instance…wasn’t I supposed to do a 5k in September? Obviously that didn’t happened. Yeah, I signed up for the reminders for a certain race. But honestly, I didn’t even start to begin the C25K program (because, hello, there is no way in hell I’m going to be able to run a 5k without anything less than that). I couldn’t even tell you exactly what it was. I had all the excuses… I haven’t started the c25k because I didn’t know when the race was going to be. I can’t sign up for a race because I need at least 3 months to prepare…and there aren’t any in Michigan. I’m too busy, I’m always working.

Yada, yada, yada. The excuses were a mile long.

Dude, I’m great at excuses.

But I’m hoping that I’m able to get off the excuse track and actually start doing something.

So for this year…

I will do a 5k

That has been a goal of mine since 2012… SEVEN YEARS AGO… I’d actually even started the c25k program April of that year. I’d gotten about 3 weeks into, I believe? I was all ready to sign up, I’d even designed shirts. I didn’t go through with it, and to be honest, at this point… I don’t even know what the reason excuse was.

But I’ve been putting it off for seven years. Part of it is that I’m honestly scared to do it. I’m not a runner. I’ve never been a runner. The idea of it isn’t “oh it’ll be so much fun!” because I already know that it won’t be. I’m a chubby girl who hates running. Hello, recipe for disaster.

The whole thing surrounding it is to do something I’ve never done. I have never run any length of distance. I think the last mile I willingly ran was in middle school… which means we’re pushing twenty years (let’s ignore for a moment of how old that makes me feel).

To be honest, though, I doubt that’s the only reason. This could be some kind of “all healthy people run” mentality. It could be a “do something that terrifies you.” Hell, it could even be my pride trying to force myself to actually run.

I can’t narrow down motivation for it, except that it’s to do something I’ve never done. I know myself better than to think that’s the only reason. But for now, that’ll be the reason.

So, that’s it. For the seventh year in row… I am saying I’m going to do a 5k.

And at this moment, I can honestly say that I mean it. Let’s just hope that Nicole in 4 months from now doesn’t change her mind *wink*

We shall see!

First Weigh-in of the New Year

So here we are at the start of another year. Whew.

Just like reflecting back on how the New Year was to me (or rather, how I was to me this last year) I had to reflect how things went in the weight loss department…because, you know, weight loss blog and all.

First weigh in 2018: 211.2
Last weigh in 2018: 198.2
Total Lost: 13 pounds

So, this is one of those bittersweet moments, because on the plus side I ended the year weighing less that I started. On the “eh” side, I’d lost barely a pound a month (on average).

But this year, I’m determined to make more of an impact with this weight loss. I’m optimistic that the whole mindset I have for balance for this year, will help me make that progress.

This being a New Year most certainly isn’t going to make me into some exercise and nutrition “run forth and conquer” kind of person. I know, like everything else, motivation can fade as time goes by. I’ve just got to be persistent and more dedicated.

So, here we are, a New Year/New Start, the first weigh in of the new year!

Last weigh-in: 198.2
This weigh-in: 197.5
Total Lost: .7
Total lost from highest 66.5

Starting this year off strong! That’s the best thing about a New Year…the motivation it has! Bring it on mentality! But we’ll see how sustainable this is.

In this year, as an homage to my word of the year, I should be more mindful. Balance the food, water, movement…all that fun stuff.

A lot of yo-yoing went on last year. There was a point where I’d gained 8 pounds, lost that…gain 3-4…lose 7… it was a mess. I have no unrealistic thoughts that this year I’m not going to see some of that ping-pong weight loss. But I’m hoping I can be a touch more consistent when it comes to my physical health.

So, we’ll see what 2019 brings for my weight loss and health!

Cheers!

Word of the Year 2019 – Balance

Happy New Years, everyone! We made it!

So, I’m thinking of trying something new this year in lieu of a New Years Resolution.

I was introduced to the “word of the year” idea a couple years ago. It’s essentially picking a word to attempt to follow for the entire year.

The word can be what you hope to become. How you want to live the year. The big thing you want to change, or a word that describes how you’re going to do that.

I never actually did this, I always tossed around the idea of giving it a try… but I never really stuck to doing it. Which makes sense, because I’ve never actually stuck to my New Years Resolutions when I tried to make them. Now, of course, with my resolution for 2018, I’d managed to do a few small things in the whole be nice to myself resolution I had going on. But still, it wasn’t like I actually went so far as to say I crushed a goal.

For 2019, I knew I wanted to move towards something. I wanted to have some kind of goal.

And rather than listing out a resolution of something I want to accomplish in a year, I wanted something more abstract. Something that I could sustain and work towards over a course of a year.

So, a word for an entire year seemed like a good idea.

Picking one word to summarize an entire year is a daunting task. There are so many words to think of. Do I want to be more hopeful? Is being more consistent going to get me to where I want to be? What about “embrace” change? Or “grow” or “appreciate, mindful, calm, thrive?”

Of course, I would love to do all those things. But when reflecting on 2018 there was a common theme.

I was too busy, too stressed, too worried, too…well, everything.

And a lot of that came from spreading myself too thin. I was trying to be a good mom, a good boss, a good friend, a good employee. I was working two-three jobs, while trying to find time to write and maintain this blog. I was trying to do so many things all at once, and it just wasn’t really working.

Because I was lacking balance in almost every aspect of my life.

And just like that, it hit me.

Balance

Sometimes the word chooses you.
Sometimes you have to actually listen to what went wrong to find out what can make it right.

Balance is one the biggest obstacles in my life. How do I balance all of the hats I wear on a daily basis. I desperately need some balance in my life.

At first I was a little bit butt hurt that my word wasn’t going to be something like “happy” or “strong” or “growth” but when you actually thing about it, can I even hope for those things if things have no balance?

Ummm, that’s a big fat no.

So, that’s my word of the year. Balance. This year I’m going to try and move towards that. Balancing all the things in my life that I want to do and the things that I have to do. My family, work, health, weight… all of it… and we’ll see how it goes!

Reflecting on 2018

Here we are! New Years Eve! The last official day of 2018! We’re taking a break from all the weight loss talk in favor of reflecting on 2018! So, this time last year, I made myself a New Years Resoltion…now I’m not a huge fan of New Years Resolutions. For some reason I did them last year. My logic was that if it wasn’t something like “you have to lose weight” or “I will quit biting my nails” that I might actually do those things. So, I went for more of a general one. My New Years Resolutions last year boiled down to essentially “Be nicer to myself.” I initially wanted to just scoff and be a negative Nancy about that. Because in the larger scale of things, maybe I wasn’t all too nice to myself. I didn’t do much in the way of taking care of my health (sorry Doc for the several cancelled appointments), I went overboard on the whole “over working” aspect and boy was I stressed out. But at the end of every year, we really should take that chance to reflect on the last year. Right?

But there were some things that I did actually do.

Take mental health days
I actually took time off from work! Rather than raking in just under 200 hours of unused paid time off (my job in INSANELY generous when it comes to personal time off!!!), I actually used some of those hours! Which is HUGE for me. Granted, one of those times was a “Nicole, I think you need some time off before you explode moments” but I did take a couple days off here and there. I even scheduled a MASSIVE 6 days away for myself (sure, it only ended up as 4… but #progressnotperfection).

That might not seem like much, but consider in 2017 I only actually used a fraction of that, is remarkable to me.

Have more me time
This was the one I really struggled with, because with everything that I have going on, it’s really hard to find time to do things strictly for me, especially when all my time is wrapped up with taking care of everyone else. For a while there (I admittedly dropped the ball on this a few months ago) I was doing my nails pretty regularly! I even tried out almond shaped nails…which eventually turned into stiletto…big moment of stepping outside of my comfort zone . And even more recently, I start sporting my natural hair and wearing make up more often than “I have to do an interview today”! It was nice to have moments (even if it was only 45 minutes once a week) to spend painting my nails or watching a TV show or some other “menial task” that I always managed to ignore.

And last but not least Slow down and smell the daisies (not a big rose fan)
But, the biggest things that I’d started was back in October, definitely not an entire year. But I started journaling. That’s been a big one for me. Getting my thoughts out onto paper, reflecting on all the good things happening around me, I needed that. It wasn’t a daily kind of thing, but it was nice little outlet. I tried to keep it as positive as possible! I was doodling, reflecting on “little happies” and even started keeping track of the “good” things that were happening… which needing to keep track of sounds horrible, but seriously, taking a second to see the good things among all the stress and frustration was amazing!

While it wasn’t like 2018 was an astounding year, and my “resolution” fell short in the “MY YEAR WAS AMAZING” department, it definitely cleared things up in my head. There were absolutely things that I didn’t accomplish that I wanted to, there were moments where I just wanted to give up and become a hermit, and more often than not I was stressed and frustrated… but there were shining moments that I was nice to myself. The balance I was hoping for certainly wasn’t there, but it was a good starting point.

And that’s what I’m looking for in 2019. That balance. Being nice to myself is more than just moments here and there. And finding that balance of doing what needs to be done and being nice to myself is key!

So here’s thanks to 2018 for not sucking as bad as 2017.

Happy New Years Eve everyone!

CRUSHED THOSE GOALS

So, something obvious happened that for some reason I haven’t screamed from the rooftops, mainly because I felt like I had more important things to discuss (like bad habits and how crazy things had gotten. But now that all of that is out of the way…because this girl right here….today on December 14th….can officially say I HAVE CRUSHED THOSE GOALS.

I MADE IT TO ONEDERLAND!

That is HUGE for me! I’d been sitting at 198 pounds before I got pregnant with little lady.

Which, you know what else that means?

I’M AT MY PRE-PREGNANCY WEIGHT!

So I’m doubly happy!

Hold on… you know what else that means?

I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST THE 50 POUNDS I GAINED BACK FROM PREGNANCY!

Triple happy!

So this is the second week in a row that I’ve tacked all THREE of those little things off of my list of “things I gotta do” and I’m over the moon. I’m trying not to think about the fact that it took me four years to do this. I’m really trying to not think about all the backsliding I’ve done in the last four years. And I’m definitely trying to not think of the fact that losing 50 pounds in four years is less than 10 pounds a year

Because, you know what? Who freaking cares how long it took me? I did it. I lost 50 pounds. I clawed my way back to ONEderland. I’m back at my pre-pregnancy weight. I’m only 17 itty bitty pounds away from my LOWEST WEIGHT EVER.

I’m allowed to be excited. I’m allowed to be thrilled. Because that is freaking fantastic. And I’m not going to let that little negative voice in my head (I think I’ll call her Nancy) make me feel anything less that PROUD! Because I not only hit ONE goal….I’ve hit three goals! Granted, that’s pretty easy to do when three mile markers for me are all essentially the same weight. But, I’m allowed…because it’s significant!

So, I’m gonna throw myself a little imaginary party with confetti, drum rolls, and rocking 90s music, and I’m gonna do a horrible little disco-esque dance about it too!

BECAUSE I DID ALL OF THAT!