Half Naked Selfie

Back in the day when I hit 181, I’d had two HUGE regrets. First being that it’d taken me so long (oh, the irony) and the second was that I didn’t have a half naked selfie. You know what I’m talking about. When you go into any search bar and type in “weight loss transformation” or “before and after weight loss.”

You know, the pictures where there is at least one comment that states “Not the same person” based off a new tattoo, different colored clothes, and/or (my personal favorite) different hair color.

But really, I had this huge weight difference (we’re talking 80+ pounds) and I couldn’t really see it. Obviously, I knew it was there because I could feel it. Different sized clothing. So on, but actually seeing it would have been awesome.

I’d always wondered why I hadn’t taken a before selfie. But when you’re sitting at 180 pounds, feeling more confident than you had in your whole life… it’s a pretty easy question to ask yourself.

But now that I had gained back a lot of what I’d lost. I know the answer was because I was self conscious. I don’t want to see it now. I hate taking pictures of myself, especially highlighting all the things that I’m not thrilled about. And then there was that irrational little thought out “WHAT IF THAT PICTURE GETS STOLEN LIKE THOSE CELEBRITY PHOTOS?” As if I’m so important that some random person is going to take the time to steal a picture of mine and post it on the internet??? Being self conscious does some funny things to your logic.

BUT, this time around I did it.

I took that silly little half naked selfie, groaning the whole time. I’m pretty sure if I were to actually look at the picture I’d be beet red in the cheeks. But I had that moment of “You damn well know that Nicole in 50 pounds is going to want that picture.”

So I did it. I wish I could accurately describe the ordeal I went through. From being in a changing room trying to convince myself that sucking in my gut was counterproductive, and when I emailed the picture to myself (complete with a misleading subject line and 12 other pictures attached (take that pervy internet creep!)

But I’ve got it. So when I hit my milestone (at this rate, in 10 years) I’ll be able to go “holy crap, look at me!”

I can’t explain the motivation past “I’m gonna want it someday” but I’ve got it.

I’ll probably forget about it until one day I’m cleaning up my email and I come across “Birthday party pictures” (that’s not the subject line… calm down stalker) and I’ll see it and I’ll be like “holy crap!”

So, anyways. From all of that, I guess what I’m trying to say is that all of you who are planning on losing weight. Take the picture. Don’t suck in anything. Don’t try to stand in a certain way to minimize what you don’t want to see now. Take the picture! Even if you have to file it away in some deep dark mysterious corner of your computer, email, a flashdrive that you bury in a secured location… take the picture.

Because one day, you might want to look back and see the progress. All the progress that isn’t hidden in baggy sweaters, or pictures that crop out anything below your shoulders. To have physical proof, not hazy memories, of what all had changed down the line.

Because 181 Nicole wished she’d taken it at 264. And 220 Nicole took it for one day down the line I can look back and actually see the change that I’d been able to make!

Real talk.

And if you every decide that you don’t want to see it. Then don’t. If you ever decided to look at that picture and go “holy hell, I rock.” Awesome. But just in case… you’ll have it!

Priority – Weigh in Wednesday

I have not done a damn thing in regards to this weight loss stuff.

Go figure.

I’ve spent more of my time dealing with other things. Other “pressing” things. Things, that in my mind, are more important than my health.

Which is ridiculous. I know it is. I should be my first priority. I should be more focused on my health. But, geez, when you’ve got 90 million things to remember and focus on, who’s going to remember to take some time to go for a walk, or drink more water, or the other dozen things a person should do to keep themselves healthy?

So between everything that has gone on in the last 4 weeks, my health in general was definitely put on the back burner. (Let’s discuss how many doctor’s appointments I should have made for myself in the last year vs how many I attended.)

And because of that, my weight was put on the back burner.

Story of my life.

Last weigh-in: 211.8
This weigh-in: 215.6
Gained: 3.8
Total lost from highest: 55.1

I’m actually shocked. I’d assumed I’d gained a whole lot more than that. I actually just told someone at work that I’ve must have gained 15 pounds. Which, sure, 15 pounds in a month isn’t super realistic… but I’m sure you know where I was going with that.

But it’s how the story goes.

It’s not like weight will just fall off without thinking about it. If I don’t think about it, I don’t make the necessary decisions to lose weight. If anything, obviously, I gain weight.

But how on Earth do I sit here and consciously remind myself daily to make better choices? I’ve got to-do lists that are minimally 25-30 items long (I wish I was exaggerating). Every.Single.Day. Work related, kid related, home related, future related…. just all of it. Every single day.

And that’s life for a majority of us.

But finding a way to remind myself that I need to do something, needs to be added to that to-do list.

How do I remember, between all the doctor’s appointments, school functions, meetings, phone calls, emails, snail mail, holidays, and so on…. to take care of myself?

Then let’s tack on the fact that my priorities are jacked. How do I remind myself to choose to my health and well being while I’m on the phone with a college, or grocery shopping, or drafting an email, making a schedule, or packing lunches while cleaning?

I’ve asked around and I generally get “well, you just have to do it.”

#nothelpful

I could set an alarm on my phone? Yeah, that was real helpful for my water intake. Har Har har.

So that is on my to-do list.

Numero Uno on the list.

A way to remind myself to be healthier.

As sad as it is, that’s where I’m sitting.

Weeks of consecutive weight loss: ZERO

Snail’s pace – Weigh In Wednesday

I obviously missed last weeks weigh in. Busy weeks kind of have that effect on blogging schedule. But, good news, I didn’t disappear for 4 months, no did I?

Honestly, these last two weeks were a bit of a toss up. For a good part of the week, I felt like I had to have gained weight. Just felt bloated and icky. All around not good. That could have been a complete and utter lack of sleep I’ve got going on, or it could have been all the extra snack food we’ve had sitting around the house. Or it might even be my complete and utter lack of control.

But I’ve managed to compensate by walking more. I know, I know, walking more sounds like such a cop out. Especially to those of you who think the only things that count as exercise are anything that involves running, sit ups, squats, or some form of cross fit. But seriously, people walking counts towards a lot. I’ll get into that later.

My water intake definitely hasn’t been the best. My eating hasn’t been the best. Stress definitely makes it infinitely harder for me to lose weight, and the last two weeks have been super stressful for me lately.

But I still kept on keeping on.

Last weigh-in: 214.6
This weigh-in: 211.8
Lost: 2.8
Total lost from highest: 51.3

I’ll definitely take it.

It boils down to, just under, a pound and a half per week. Which I’m a-ok with.

I’ve lost a solid 4 pounds in the last 3 weeks.

It’s super slow, and doesn’t seem like much, but it’s progress that I’m happy with for now.

Cheers for 4 pounds down!

Sure, I probably could have done better. But that’s not the point, is it? Right now I’m just trying to get out of that yo-yo thing I’ve had going on the last few months. And I’m happy to say, that I did not yo-yo. I could have, easily. But I didn’t. For however short it has been, I’m happy!

Weeks of consecutive weight loss = THREE

Baby Steps – Weigh-in Wednesday

My last weigh-in I’d gone on about the woes of yo-yoing for the last four months. Hitting 206 and 218, and every number in between. Several times.

So, it obviously wasn’t the post that I’d wanted to do. Come on, I’d gained 4.6 pounds since my last weigh in back in January. Who in their right mind would be excited about yo-yoing. Uhh, no one, that’s who. Regardless if your goal is to lose weight or gain weight or even maintain. Yo-yoing is definitely not the goal.

So, this past week I’ve just kept up with the small changes. Using a FitBit and tracking my water (which, to be totally honest, has been crap levels), and of course being more mindful of what I’m eating.

I haven’t really done much more past that. Too many things at once is is surefire way to set myself up for failure. Something I know about myself, I get overwhelmed and confused, which eventually turns into throwing my hands up.

Slow and steady is the goal.

Doesn’t really seem like much, but it did help something.

Last weigh-in: 215.8
This weigh-in: 214.6
Lost: 1.2
Total lost from highest: 54.1

A pound, I’ll take it.

It’s not much, and of course a week of weigh loss does not show a trend. But it’s a baby step. An itty bitty one pound baby step. Considering I’m still motivated after that, I’ll take that as a win.

It’s the small things, right?

Even if I only continue to lose a pound a week, I’m still making progress.

At this point, it’s something I have to focus on. The small things. The baby steps. Those little moments that make me want to continue, and not slapping so much on my plate that I just ignore all my plans.

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

Weeks of consecutive weight loss = ONE

Steps in the Right Direction

Like I said in last post, I’ve been making little steps in the right direction. Which includes making some better choices.

Those little changes have helped me lose some weight in the last week and a half. Granted, it’s probably all water weight. But I’m determined to keep making some changes.

Like actually choosing some healthy options, who knew that was an option??? Drinking more water. The little things. I even have a new set of measuring cups to keep an eye on portion control, which let me tell you… I forgot just how much a serving size of something was.

I haven’t gone all level 10 weight loss mode, but more like a solid level 4.

But the biggest change is that I’ve started using a FitBit (yeah, yeah, I’m a little late to the party)… and I’m really in-love with it! I might actually have to buy one, this one is borrowed… testing the waters.

The little thing that reminds me to get off my butt and walk. I’m a pretty sedentary person, remember? But, it’s a nice reminder that I’ve been doing paperwork too long and I need to move. It’s also fun to see how many steps I get throughout the day. Which, aren’t as much as I would like. But that’s kind of the point, right?

I’ve also added a water reminder to my phone, because apparently, I’ve become one of those people who have to be prompted to drink some water. This thing sends me a notification to remind me to actually drink some water. Which is sad because I used to drink tons of water without any issue, but here we are.

There were half a million to choose from, but seriously. That little guy is super cute.

So right now, my main focus have been to keep a better track of what I have been eating, making myself get up and move more (even if it is just walking around or climbing some stairs), and upping my water intake.

Baby steps again, that’s kind of the catch 22 of yo-yo weight loss. At some point you have o go back to basics, because jumping right back into where you left off doesn’t work. Easiest way to fail, that method hasn’t been working, have to do something different.

Kudos for progress?