Freaking Frustrating

This losing weight business is so freaking frustrating.

It’s one of the harder things to do in life.

And this is coming from someone who has carried a child…twice… for 9 months.
Someone who wrote a freaking novel
Someone who has MASTERED THE ART OF SUDUKO IN SCHEDULING FORM (ok, that last one is a stretch)

But for real.

The idea of losing weight for me has always been that it’s pretty easy. Realistically, the idea of it is.

Eat less.
Drink more water.
Move more.

Yay! Weight loss!

Eat Less
Yes, it’s easy to eat less. But for fucks sake, it’s fall. Which means PUMPKIN EVERYTHING. I’ll totally admit I’m one of those girls who turn into a pumpkin come September. Because ALL THINGS PUMPKIN. In the last month I have had more than my fair share of pumpkin lattes, pumpkin rolls, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin cupcakes. And we’re barely one month in. Ohmylanta.

The job I have makes it all too easy to have “lunch meetings” with my supervisor and our team. But for cheese and rice, that means “Let’s get out of here, I’m hangry” is a term that’s said a lot. Or $5 on pizza for our weekly meetings? Or hitting up Wendy’s or A&W or Burger King? And of course… Chubby Nicole is all over that. Though, the last time I had actually just eaten the lunch I packed (spinach wrap with turkey, spinach, mushroom, and deliciousness) before she showed up growling “Fooooood, nowwwww.” So I just sat like a creeper while they ate.

Disclaimer part A: No, my boss didn’t actually sound like that (or did she???).
Disclaimer part B: Had she stopped by 10 minutes earlier, that poor little wrap would have been long since forgotten as I plowed through my Baconator. Just sayin

Drink More Water
I love water. Generally drinking more water isn’t a hard thing for me to do. Especially considering the fact that I have about four different water bottles I use for this. But if you remember one of my last posts I have a hugeslight issue with caffeine. As in coffee. As in I drink mostly coffee. Which, back when I wrote that post I was dealing with a pretty nasty headache due to a lack of coffee…so I decided I was going to swear off coffee. Want to know how that is coming along?

About like that. *She says as she fills her BRAND NEW Maruader’s Map 20oz glow-in-the-freaking-dark coffee mug to the brim with fresh coffee*

So, yes. I am drinking more water…but not less coffee. Which means I’m peeing all.the.time. But, hey. I’m at least drinking water right?

And last but not least…

Move More
How bout nah.
How am I supposed to exercise when I’m chasing two kids around, editing a novel, working 45-50 hours a week, and there is a VERY IMPORTANT SERIES I MUST CATCH UP ON NETFLIX?
A.k.a I’ve been using every excuse in the book to just not. Bad Nicole. Bad Nicole. I get it. Now, I’m still doing my bedtime yoga, and feeling pretty accomplished because my hips are not nearly as tight (after four freaking months). But other than that, my activity level is firmly set in the “sedentary” category.
Yep.

Yep.

So, anyways.

I can only imagine what my weigh-in is going to bring on Wednesday. Considering my last weight in was, ohhhh, seven weeks ago.

Can I convince myself that any weight gain is worth it? You know, because it’s PUMPKIN SPICE?????

No?

Ok then. I guess I should probably stop saying “weight loss is freaking frustrating” when in reality it’s “weight loss is freaking frustrating because I wanna eat everything, drink coffee, and do lots of sitting.”

Accurate.

Reward yo’self

I’d posted last week about my new Goals page! and also mentioned creating little rewards for those things.

Sure, sure. What could be more rewarding than losing the weight? Isn’t losing weight and being/feeling healthier reward enough?

Um, howboutnah

The thing is, I’ve already lost the weight. Not all of it, but a good chunk of weight. I’m re-losing weight, and still have 30 pounds to re-lose before I’m back to my lowest weight.

That’s really lacking in the motivation department.

And sure, I’ve done things that are worth being motivated about. Every time I see the scale dip down or try on clothes and notice how baggy they are, it’s definitely motivating. But, I want motivation beyond that.

“Only 30 pounds until my lowest weight, LET’S DO THIS.” is great… but “Only 30 pounds until my lowest weight AND a dye job??? LET’S DEFINITELY DO THIS” is infinitely better.

So, I created little rewards for myself for when those times come. And each one is lined up with a goal that I have… including the NSV ones. So, booyah! Don’t get me wrong… I doubt I’ll reward myself for if I can ever do the splits again, but who knows!

So, starting with the scale/number goals:

Lose 25% of my highest weight/ONEderland/Pre-pregnancy weight
Take myself on a much needed date

Get back to my lowest weight/lose 80 pounds total
Get my hair dyed

Lose 100 pounds total
Get MY tattoo

Start maintaining/Hit my goal weight
PHOTO SHOOT

Maintain for 6 months
Buy a new wardrobe and SHOES

And, now some of my NSV goals!

Run a 5k
Get my 5k shirt (long story)

Get my girl power on in Mudderella! (and show some Domestic Violence support)
Own Your Strong gear! (is that a thing?) And sign up for a self defense class

Run a 10k
Never run again! Kidding, my second 5k shirt

Do a handstand/master a yoga post
New yoga mat

Go shopping without hating it
Buy myself a “oh no she didn’t” outfit

There you have it. Some of the rewards for some of my goals! I’ll update this list as we go along and I accomplish some goals – even if that’s right on my goals page.

We’ll see how it goes!

Measurement realization – Weigh in Wednesday

You know those “aha” moments people have? I had them when I was 264, and I had them again and again. The last time I had that moment, that kick started my year long trek of getting on board. Was actually a girl at work.

One on my friends/coworkers was measuring herself, yes… water bottle talk at it’s finest. She was all shocked what her numbers were. Now, she’s thin. She’s this cute little ball of yoga and energy. I even told her “Are you kidding me? I’d love to have your figure!” before she started measuring herself.

What shocked me was as she measured herself, in a very scientific method of string and a measuring tape… you know, the straight metal ones that you’d pull out of a tool box…the numbers sounded very familiar.

I pulled up my blog on my phone to my last measurements post and I was blown away.

Her measurements were only about 1-1.5 inches smaller than mine were at my smallest point. Excluding those damn lovehandles of mine.

Nothing like perspective, right?

So that’s what motivated me to get moving. That was the pinnacle moment back in 2016 that kicked my butt into gear.

Now, admittedly my measurements hadn’t changed all that much from 2015-2016. But here’s a little snippet if you don’t feel like going back to that.

And I actually haven’t measured myself since that moment.

So… here goes nothing. Let’s see what 25 pounds looks like!!!

Bust – 42.5″    -1.5
Waist – 36.5″   -2
Hips – 46″      –1.5
Lovehandles – 44″   -6
R thigh – 27″    -1
L thigh – 26.5       –1.5
R arm – 14″     –.5
L arm – 14.5″     -0
Neck – 14.5″      -0

YAY! I’d really like to do some backflips to that -6 for my lovehandles. Those were getting out of control.

And since this is supposed to be my weigh-in day, I suppose I’ll post that too.
Harrumph

Last weigh in: 212.3
This weigh in: 210.0
Lost lost: 2.3 pounds
Total lost from highest: 60 pounds

And a secondary YAY!

Thank you water weight? Weight weight? Fat weight? Who know? But I’m pretty darned pleased.

Til next time

Still fat, everyone!

Well, hello there.

This is a nice little public service announcement.

I’m back after, ohhhh, a year and a half.

Need proof? Here’s my last post. See? I told ya!

But even with being “away” for that long, some things just haven’t changed.

I’m still hopelessly obsessed with Harry Potter.
I’m still at a ridiculous level of stress.
I’m still working.working.working (all.the.time)

And yes. I’m still fat.

There have been some changes though, it’s not like I went a year and a half without any change at all. Insert winky face here.

See, look-

1. I’ve mastered my poker face because my TWO year old has hit terrible twos like a hurricane, and she’s mastered “the punctuating clap” which goes a little something like

“MOMMY” *clap* “MOMMY” *clap* “MINE” *clap* “MINE” *clap* “NOW” *clap* “PLEAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!!”

And for as obnoxious/shrill/frequent it is, it’s still cute as hell and I frequently have to hide my smile behind “Jordin, it’s 3 am and not time for cookies.”

2. My NINE year old has discovered Axe body spray, dabbing, fidget spinners, and the phrase “brah” (thank you public schools). Though, he doesn’t find the irony in me calling him “brah” as much as I do.

And they’re still crazy smart, adventurous, creating, freaking adorable, and the best kids in the entire world (I’m allowed to be biased).

3. I have taken out all of my piercings, except the dermals because I’m simply too lazy to track down a doctor to do it, who accepts my insurance…in my area.

4. I, the queen of stretchy pants, actually tried on leggings for the first time and I am pretty disgruntled at myself for not doing it sooner. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME HOW COMFORTABLE THEY ARE?

5. I do Yoga! Ok, let’s be fair on this one. I am physically capable of doing a grand total of 3 poses without dying. Technically four if you count corpse pose. But I probably shouldn’t count that because it always ends up as an impromptu nap, though I’ve gotten smart and only do it in bed. At bed time. So, yeah, we’ll stick to three.

6. And I’ve been actively trying (ish) and losing weight.

But, alas, I’m still fat.

Am I mad about it? Nope.
Discouraged? Sometimes.
Hopeful? Most definitely.
Sore af? Always

So, here’s a little welcome back bravado for me!

I’m back! I’m back! I’m back! I’m back!

Getting started is the hardest part

It’s been a full week since I’ve been writing. Tomorrow marks my first official weigh in being “back on the wagon.” I’d like to think it’s understandable that I’m nervous. What to expect, because I know that getting started is the hardest part of any challenge!

I’m certainly not expecting some incredibly decrease in weight. I know my body, and I know how it works. It usually takes a few weeks for me to actually see some weight loss. And even when I finally do see the numbers go down, they’re HUGE ridiculous numbers. Like 5 pounds in a week.

I’ve been doing this stop again/start again thing for quite some time, and I already know that those big number drops are more than likely nothing more than water weight. I had actually considered not weighing in for the first few weeks, just because I know this.

I don’t want to get all excited for some significant loss of however many pounds. I’m looking to lose fat, not just numbers. But, of course, I’m going to. I already know I’m going to hop on that scale and see how I’m doing. Curiosity? Sure.

But, considering being sick, I’ve been trying to bust by butt. I’ve been drinking more water, attempting to exercise as much as I can handle, and I’ve been logging my calorie intake as well.

So I’m optimisitic that this is a good start. Jumping in with both feet is the way to go.

But wow, I’ve went so long with not caring what I’m eating, that watching what I’m eating is almost as hard as attempting to be active. Eating whatever I want, whenever I want, is a really hard habit to break. Even harder than not biting my nails! I want to go back to when I stopped and demand I keep going.

Hindsight is 20/20. Right?

But at least this time I’ll remember what it felt like to lose a considerable amount of weight. I suppose it’ll be like a reminder that I did it once, and I can do it again. Plus, when I get back to those numbers it’ll be motivation not to stop. I know how it feels to gain back a good portion of what I worked so hard to lose, and I don’t ever want to be in this position again.

I can fully understand why so many people gain back the weight they’ve lost! Sure, a good 40 pounds of that was while I was pregnant. Insatiable cravings for anything covered in BBQ sauce and caramel corn will do a small part of that. The larger part was when my “only in moderation” switch was set firmly in the “off” position. That part was all me. Can’t blame pregnancy for that little tidbit.

Stupid little switch.

I always used to talk about “this is a lifestyle change” which is it. I still agree 100% with that statement. But when I was writing that I had thought I’d gotten to that point where my lifestyle changes were something I was going to be able to continue for the rest of my life.

When I “stopped” the first time around, I can easily attribute it to boredom. I got bored making the same things over and over again. I got bored working out the same way. I got too complacent.

Yeah, I don’t do well with change. But I also don’t do too well with complacency. I’m a complicated person (read: My life makes absolutely no sense). And combating that, is something I’ve got to figure out.

I don’t want to lose weight just to look back and get all angry at myself because “I lost 100 pounds and then screwed up.” I’ve only gained back 40, I couldn’t imagine gaining back 100 pounds that I worked my tailfeathers off for.

So, I need to be determined. And resiliant. And constantly thinking of new ways to stay interested in being healthy. And not just throwing my hands up in the air when things get too boring.

Variety is the spice of life. Right?

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