Back in the day when I hit 181, I’d had two HUGE regrets. First being that it’d taken me so long (oh, the irony) and the second was that I didn’t have a half naked selfie. You know what I’m talking about. When you go into any search bar and type in “weight loss transformation” or “before and after weight loss.”
You know, the pictures where there is at least one comment that states “Not the same person” based off a new tattoo, different colored clothes, and/or (my personal favorite) different hair color.
But really, I had this huge weight difference (we’re talking 80+ pounds) and I couldn’t really see it. Obviously, I knew it was there because I could feel it. Different sized clothing. So on, but actually seeing it would have been awesome.
I’d always wondered why I hadn’t taken a before selfie. But when you’re sitting at 180 pounds, feeling more confident than you had in your whole life… it’s a pretty easy question to ask yourself.
But now that I had gained back a lot of what I’d lost. I know the answer was because I was self conscious. I don’t want to see it now. I hate taking pictures of myself, especially highlighting all the things that I’m not thrilled about. And then there was that irrational little thought out “WHAT IF THAT PICTURE GETS STOLEN LIKE THOSE CELEBRITY PHOTOS?” As if I’m so important that some random person is going to take the time to steal a picture of mine and post it on the internet??? Being self conscious does some funny things to your logic.
BUT, this time around I did it.
I took that silly little half naked selfie, groaning the whole time. I’m pretty sure if I were to actually look at the picture I’d be beet red in the cheeks. But I had that moment of “You damn well know that Nicole in 50 pounds is going to want that picture.”
So I did it. I wish I could accurately describe the ordeal I went through. From being in a changing room trying to convince myself that sucking in my gut was counterproductive, and when I emailed the picture to myself (complete with a misleading subject line and 12 other pictures attached (take that pervy internet creep!)
But I’ve got it. So when I hit my milestone (at this rate, in 10 years) I’ll be able to go “holy crap, look at me!”
I can’t explain the motivation past “I’m gonna want it someday” but I’ve got it.
I’ll probably forget about it until one day I’m cleaning up my email and I come across “Birthday party pictures” (that’s not the subject line… calm down stalker) and I’ll see it and I’ll be like “holy crap!”
So, anyways. From all of that, I guess what I’m trying to say is that all of you who are planning on losing weight. Take the picture. Don’t suck in anything. Don’t try to stand in a certain way to minimize what you don’t want to see now. Take the picture! Even if you have to file it away in some deep dark mysterious corner of your computer, email, a flashdrive that you bury in a secured location… take the picture.
Because one day, you might want to look back and see the progress. All the progress that isn’t hidden in baggy sweaters, or pictures that crop out anything below your shoulders. To have physical proof, not hazy memories, of what all had changed down the line.
Because 181 Nicole wished she’d taken it at 264. And 220 Nicole took it for one day down the line I can look back and actually see the change that I’d been able to make!
And if you every decide that you don’t want to see it. Then don’t. If you ever decided to look at that picture and go “holy hell, I rock.” Awesome. But just in case… you’ll have it!